Sometimes, God Makes Me Laugh

Sometimes I find little verses in the Bible that make me laugh. It’s awesome, because it reminds me that God has a sense of humor. Here is one I found this morning that had me reeling.

1 Kings 20: 35-37

“Now a certain man of the sons of the prophets said to his neighbor by the word of the Lord, “Strike me, please.” And the man refused to strike him.

Then he said to him, “Because you have not obeyed the word of the Lord, surely, as soon as you depart from me, a lion shall kill you.” And as soon as he left him, a lion found him and killed him.

And he found another man, and said, “Strike me, please.” So the man struck him, inflicting a wound.

You’ve got to imagine what’s going on through these three guys minds.

The Prophet: He’s just on his knees, doing his daily devotion, knowing God usually asks him to do crazy stuff, but then, all of the sudden, the Lord gives him his strangest task so far. I can just imagine that conversation…

“Go ask your neighbor to strike you.”

Blinks… Is silent for a moment. “Uhhhh… really Lord?”

“Yes.”

“Like, strike me strike me? Like… strike me?”

“Yes. Like, strike you strike you.”

Thinks about the meaning of “strike me.” “How hard?”

“Don’t worry about it. Just ask, and remember, I love you.”

The prophet is now imagining all possible scenarios and outcomes resulting when one asks another to “Strike him.” He involuntarily rubs his chin as if it’s already been hit.

“Well, okay Lord, You’re God, I’m not.”

The First Neighbor: It says neighbor, so you assume these guys know each other. Now, this neighbor isn’t just asked by some random buddy to “strike him,” no sir, this is a prophet of the Lord. He probably gave him a word one time. Can you imagine, if your youth pastor approached you and said, “Hey, buddy, hit me.” I for one would probably laugh at first like it was a joke, but then after he says a second time, with a nervous twitch in his eye, (he is the one about to be struck after all) I would most likely refuse. Ummm, hello! I’m not going to hit my pastor.

Well, bad luck for me, because since I disobeyed, I’m now going to get eaten by a lion. The poor first neighbor probably watched the Prophet of the Lord, stunned silent, subconsciously listening for growls, and then as soon as the prophet is gone, he turns his head, and just as he feared, a lion.

His last thoughts? Mine would have been, “Why didn’t I hit the preacher? It would have been much more fun then getting eaten by a lion.”

The Second Man: This guy’s my favorite. He actually strikes the Prophet. You gotta wonder, was he a guy with a vendetta for prophets, and was all too happy to be given the opportunity to hit one, or was he just typically a guy who liked to hit people and was floored at the silver platter dropped in his lap. Here’s how I imagine it.

The prophet sees a big guy sitting at a table with a mug of ale. He gulps nervously, knowing this guy will probably take the offer. He approaches the guy, who looks a little tipsy and taps him on the shoulder. The beastly man turns and looks at him, one eye brow raised, wondering, Who is this man that’s interrupting my good time?

“Excuse me sir, would you please strike me?”

The beast shrugs. “Okay.” BAAM!


Yep, I really think the Lord has a sense of humor, and as I love to laugh, we had a little fun this morning. ;)

Jael is thinking...

That blogs might be a thing of the past...

Judas Asparagus

I got this in an E-Mail. It was claimed it was written by a kid as an assignment, which I doubt, but it's still really funny. Enjoy.

Judas Asparagus



A child was asked to write a book report on the entire Bible. This is amazing and brought tears of laughter to my eyes.

I wonder how often we take for granted that children understand what we are teaching???

Through the eyes of a child:
The Children's Bible in a Nutshell:


In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was nothing but God, darkness, and some gas. The Bible says,



'The Lord thy God is one, but I think He must be a lot older than that. Anyway, God said, 'Give me a light!' and someone did. Then God made the world.

He split the Adam and made Eve. Adam and Eve were naked, but they weren't embarrassed because mirrors hadn't been invented yet.


Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating one bad apple, so they were driven from the Garden of Eden. Not sure what they were driven in though, because they didn't have cars.


Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his brother as long as he was Abel.

Pretty soon all of the early people died off, except for Methuselah, who lived to be like a million or something.

One of the next important people was Noah, who was a good guy, but one of his kids was kind of a Ham. Noah built a large boat and put his family and some animals on it. He asked some other people to join him, but they said they would have to take a rain check..

After Noah came Abraha m, Isaac, and Jacob. Jacob was more famous than his brother, Esau, because Esau sold Jacob his birthmark in exchange for some pot roast. Jacob had a son named Joseph who wore a really loud sports coat.

Another important Bible guy is Moses, whose real name was Charlton Heston. Moses led the Israel Lights out of Egypt and away from the evil Pharaoh after God sent ten plagues on Pharaoh's people. These plagues included frogs, mice, lice, bowels, and no cable..

God fed the Israel Lights every day with manicotti. Then he gave them His Top Ten Commandments. These include: don't lie, cheat, smoke, dance, or covet your neighbor's stuff.

Oh, yeah, I just thought of one more: Humor thy father and thy mother.

One of Moses' best helpers was Joshua who was the first Bible guy to use spies. Joshua fought the battle of Geritol and the fence fell over on the town.

After Joshua, came David. He got to be king by killing a giant with a slingshot. He had a son named Solomon who had about 300 wives and 500 porcupines. My teacher says he was wise, but that doesn't sound very wise to me.

After Solomon there were a bunch of major league prophets. One of these was Jonah, who was swallowedby a big whale and then barfed up on the shore. There were also some minor league prophets, but I guess we don't have to worry about them.

After the Old Testament came the New Testament. Jesus is the star of The New. He was born n Bethlehem in a barn. (I wish I had been born in a barn too, because my mom is always saying to me, 'Close the door! Were you born in a barn?' It would be nice to say, 'As a matter of fact, I was.')

During His life, Jesus had many arguments with sinners like the Pharisees and the Democrats.

Jesus also had twelve opossums. The worst one was Judas Asparagus. Judas was so evil that they named a terrible vegetable after him. Jesus was a great man. He healed many leopards and even preached to some Germans on the Mount.

But the Democrats and all those guys put Jesus on trial before Pontius the Pilot. Pilot didn't stick up for Jesus. He just washed his hands instead. Anyways, Jesus died for our sins, then came back to life again. He went up to Heaven but will be back at the end of theAluminum. His return is foretold in the book of Revolution.

Funny Things Happen To Me

And it's my fault. I asked God to make my life that way.

But when you get someone elses mail in your box, then, being the kindly neighbor you are, take your dog and walk the mail to that neighbors house, and on the way you're telling your dog, hey, maybe this is fate, maybe something really exciting is going to happen, and then fate brings a ten year old, mentally challenged, BUTT NAKED boy to the door, causing your reflexes to lift the bag the mail is in in order to shield... you know... and he's standing there, no adults are coming, and you ask for the name on the mail, and he says, "not home" and you, still holding up your bag, ask him to give the mail to said neighbor, and he replies, "after shower," takes the bag, and shuts the door, leaving you bewildered and unable to process thought, you wonder if maybe you should be more careful about what you pray for.

You Know You're A Nanny In Deep When...

You're used to coming home with snot, spit, and puke stains in all the same spots they were in the day before.

You spend a ridiculous amount of time trying to figure out how that guy gets into that stupid purple dinosaur costume.

Sesame Street is no longer awe inspiring, but it is oddly goofy and silly.

You've developed a new paranoia about nanny cams.

You often find yourself eyeing the house, looking for any place a nanny cam might be hidden.

You live off a diet of microwaveable popcorn chicken and mac and cheese.

You now understand why your babysitters were so anal about nap time.

You've become the ultimate goober getter outer. This includes eye goobers, hair crustys, and of course, the main goober, boogers.

For a second, you consider the benefits of a shaved head.

Necklaces are definitely excluded from the standard uniform.

You have brilliantly and effectively manipulated the kids schedules so that they all fall asleep at the same time.

You know how many different cries the baby has, and what they all mean.

Tickle fights have become the highlight of your day.

Their smiles melt your heart.

Their blatant "NO'S!" drive you closer and closer to the edge of that cliff called insanity.

You've effectively maneuvered getting 3 kids into car seats without anyone running into the streets.

You crave grownup time.

You also crave alone time, daily.

Monday through Friday, when you're off duty, you try not to look in the back of your car to see the 3 little seats that make your car look cluttered, and make you feel too much like a grown up.

Food on the floor, food on their faces, food on the table, food on the couch, food all over their little bodies, this has become the norm.

You often find yourself with the image of a boxer in your head, as drool pours out of their mouths like a water fall.

You don't even notice the smell in the changing room anymore. (No, that's a lie. I still notice the smell.)

You avoid the changing room as much as possible.

You've seen the same free, on demand episode of their favorite Nickelodeon show a million times.

You note all the super cute and funny things they say so you can blog about it later.

You've absolutely fallen in love with their smiles, their laughs, their cute little shoes, the way they hold onto your legs when you're standing in a line, the way they call you nanny instead of by your real name, and the way they hug you when you leave while promising, "See ya morrow."

A Great Line I Just Read in a Book

"If we survive this, I'll follow you anywhere woman."

"Oh sure, now he tells me."

:) I'm such a sucker.

Nannydom

Nanny: (Me) Luke, Shoes.
(Translation: Luke, go put on your shoes because it's time to go get Jared.)
Luke: (Toddler) Show.
(Translation: No. I want to watch TV.)

Nanny: Shoes.
Luke: Show.
Nanny: Shoes.
Luke: Show.
Nanny: Shoes.
Luke: Show.
Nanny: Time-out.
Luke: Shoes.